My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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