I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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