he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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