I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
