I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
