The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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