there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Enjoy the penises
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
