Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
