6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize