I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
