But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
