just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
