DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize