Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.