I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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