i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
