i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize