she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
