saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
this hospital has no fireball
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
