Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
