dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
