I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
