I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
