You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
