Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
