:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
