Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
