Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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