i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
