I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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