Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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