I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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