went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
