Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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