I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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