What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
birth control should be required to get into college
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
