3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
