why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
