so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
