so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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