The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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