Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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