I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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