I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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