so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
