It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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