did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
