i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
