In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
