Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
