I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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