PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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