dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
