My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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