after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize