to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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