he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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