Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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