Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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