Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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