I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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