I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Someone stole a lamp last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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