Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
