Sorry, I don't speak sober.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
