I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
